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YOUR HOUSE HAS TRUST ISSUES. ITS NAME IS POLY B.
Remember that "great deal" on grey pipes from the 80s and 90s? Yeah, they're about as reliable as your ex who said they'd "definitely call you back."
Poly B pipes are the ticking time bombs of the plumbing world – except instead of going boom, they go *splash* at 3 AM on a Sunday when you're in your underwear.
WHY POLY B PIPES ARE YOUR HOME'S TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
THEY'RE CLINGY
But not in a good way. They'll cling to their deteriorating structure until they dramatically fall apart
THEY'RE UNPREDICTABLE
One day they're fine, the next day you're hosting an indoor pool party you didn't plan
THEY'RE EXPENSIVE
Not upfront, but wait until they ghost you and leave you with the cleanup bill
THEY'RE DRAMA QUEENS
Why leak slowly when they can burst dramatically during your dinner party?
ENTER MRPOLYBGONE: THE BREAKUP COACH YOUR HOUSE NEEDS
We don't just remove poly B pipes. We perform exorcisms on them.
"We're like relationship therapists, but for your house. Except instead of talking about feelings, we rip out the problem and replace it with something that actually works."
OUR PIPE INTERVENTION SERVICES
THE "FULL GHOST"
Complete poly B extraction and replacement. We make those pipes disappear faster than your motivation on a Monday morning.
THE "PREVENTATIVE BREAKUP"
Haven't had a leak yet? Smart move. Let's dump those pipes before they dump on you.
THE "EMERGENCY EVACUATION"
For when your pipes decide to recreate Niagara Falls in your basement. We're the relationship counselors who show up with sledgehammers.
THE "PEACE OF MIND PACKAGE"
Full inspection, extraction, replacement, and a guarantee that your new pipes won't betray you like poly B did.
OUR BATTLE PLAN: OPERATION POLY B ELIMINATION
RECON MISSION
We infiltrate your home and assess the Poly B situation. No pipe goes unexamined.
SURGICAL EXTRACTION
We remove every trace of Poly B with military precision. Clean, fast, efficient.
REINFORCEMENT
New, reliable pipes installed. Your house gets an upgrade that actually works.
MISSION COMPLETE
Full warranty and peace of mind. Your Poly B nightmare is officially over.
PEOPLE WHO BROKE UP WITH POLY B AND NEVER LOOKED BACK
"MrPolyBGone saved my marriage. Not kidding. My wife said it was either the pipes or me after our Edgemont house flooded twice. Thanks to them, we're both still here and dry!"
- Dave, Edgemont
"I used to lie awake at night wondering when my Hawkwood home's pipes would betray me. Now I sleep like a baby. A dry baby. Best investment I ever made."
- Sarah, Hawkwood
"They came, they saw, they conquered my Poly B problem in Beddington Heights. Julius Caesar would be proud. My basement isn't a swimming pool anymore!"
- Marcus, Beddington Heights
YOUR POLY B PIPES ARE AGING LIKE MILK, NOT WINE
Every day you wait is another day closer to:
DON'T WAIT FOR THE SPLASH. CALL MRPOLYBGONE.
READY TO GHOST YOUR POLY B?
Or schedule your "Pipe Intervention" online. We promise to be gentler with your walls than your poly B pipes are with your sanity.
MRPOLYBGONE: BECAUSE LIFE'S TOO SHORT FOR SKETCHY PIPES.